What Alan did next
I promised you a bear.
OK, so I have proved beyond any shadow of a doubt that I am really rather rubbish. It is almost 6 months since I spent my hour entertaining the world on the plinth in Trafalgar Square and there has nary been a peep from me in the meantime.
If you really must know what happened then you could do far worse than click on the link to the right – it takes you straight to the archived video feed of my hour courtesy of the one and other website.
Looking back now it was a weird and surreal experience that I enjoyed immensely, and certainly dined out on for a few weeks afterwards. I was gifted good weather and a receptive audience that participated wonderfully, and there were no nerves or vertigo. I am getting ahead of myself though – here is how it went…
We were up bright and early on what, frankly, looked like a miserable day. I dressed in my best and brightest Hawaiian shirt and shorts, made sure I didn’t shave, and shoved carbs down mine and my children’s throats. Emma probably chose to have a little cottage cheese, or slice of lettuce or other such hearty breakfast fare. Then we were off. We had the car fuelled and loaded already for the camping trip we were going to straight after Trafalgar Square. Naturally I was looking at the clock the whole time during the drive up to Hounslow where we left the car at my brother’s before catching the tube into the centre of London. I had to be there to ‘check in’ at half ten before my 12 o’clock slot.
It looked a bit dodgy on the weather front when we arrived, but I had a raincoat and wasn’t too concerned. The check in was interesting mainly because of all the form filling and the media interview and photo session (I kid you not – maybe when the book comes out I will be on the cover or something). I was also promised a T-shirt in lieu of the £1 fee I was to be given to cover my appearance costs. It is all a legal requirement so they can use my image however they see fit – I still haven’t seen either the clothing or the pound yet though. (Note to self – chase them for a T shirt).
Whilst this was going on the weather turned a bit dodge and the poor old man stood on the plinth before me decrying the state of the health service postcode lottery drug availability for his wife was starting to look as though he had had a swim in the Thames. I was concerned. Hawaiian shirts don’t have the same impact when you are drenched.
Then it was time. I climbed into the cherry picker, miked-up for the viewing public, with raincoat and donated umbrella and glory of glories, the sun came out. And stayed out for the whole hour.
What an interesting hour it was too. Whatever nerves I had quickly dissipated as I plugged in my phone and earpiece and set up my signs – The Trafalgar Square Helpdesk was open for calls, and call they did!
Since you can watch the whole thing for yourself I will just give you the bullet point highlights:
- Being asked whether worms can get drunk
- The sun
- Sandwich recipes
- Finding that my wife’s suggestion of getting 2 signs paid off when one of them blew away
- Where can you get the best Hawaiian shirts?
- All the friends and family that called and visited – too many to mention, but it was great to hear and see you all
- What would win a fight between a bear and a lion?
- The conversation on the phone with the tour guide for a bus load of tourists that drove past (and cheered me).
- The realisation that 8 meters up aint so bad when you have a safety net
- Getting a bear delivery
- Recipes for cherry pie
- Checking the time and finding that 55 minutes had flown by and it was almost over
It was a blast, a head rush, a defining moment and, through the power of the internet, an experience I can re-live in all its glory whenever I want. Then it was over.
We left without the free t-shirt and headed off to The Rain Forest Cafe for a celebration lunch. (N.B. if you have ever been to The Rain Forest Cafe in the States then avoid the one at the Trocodero – it tries hard, but it just can’t compare). The trip back to the car and the drive down to the New Forest to meet our friends and camp with lots of kids for the weekend is a bit of a blur. Once the tent was up and the beers were out then I was able to sit down, take stock and relate the story of my moment of fame for the first of many times.
Life is normal again now. I still have the suburban semi, expensive kids, people carrier, loving wife and debts to make most third world countries feel well off. The job is continuing to work out well, and who knows what I may achieve there yet, at 42 I still have “prospects”.
Now this particular blog is over, I have to wonder what I will write about next, for write I will.